My Sweet Husband Jonathan

After Eviana was born, I really didn't want to date anyone for a while. I wanted to be cautious with whom I had relations. After Eviana was about 8 months old, I started branching out in the dating world. I ended up choosing completely wrong and fell into a rut of unfaithful guys who didn't appreciate me in the least. I found myself in a deep depression of loneliness, self-doubt, and almost felt unworthy of anyone. I would cry all the time, shut out a lot of people, and shut myself in. I didn't think I would find anyone who could love me AND my daughter. I had a history and "baggage", as people like to put it, and someone would have to willfully choose to join me. I had a child and I had emotional issues that carved deep gouges in my soul. They would have to tear down my facade of strength and independence and deal with who I really was inside.

I have a life history that I choose to never share publicly, but I seemed to be the kind of girl who gave and gave and gave even though I received nothing in return. I was afraid to lose the person that I cared so much about so I stopped expecting things in return and just tried to be perfect so they didn't want to leave me. This, though, did not seem to work either. I started dating one person in particular, right before I met my husband, that I devoted myself to entirely. I loved him deeply and was disrespected by him all the time. He wanted a relationship with me without a title. It was a love/hate game for the two of us and it seems to have always been that way. We would love each other completely one week and the next we were beating each other up with hateful words that cut like a knife to the core of our hearts. It seems neither one of us wanted to hurt the other, but ended up doing so anyway. I'm a forgiver and mender. I don't like being angry with people and in the end I just want a friendly relationship, which is probably why I have a good relationship with all my exes except for two. After this man, I found Jonathan. Or should I say God showed him to me and I to him. Apparently I had met him several times, but I honestly only remember actually seeing him once before. It's like God clouded my eyes until it was the right time.

It seems comical now, the events leading up to the point at which I finally noticed Jonathan. I had been jogging with Jonathan's cousin, Marcus, and Emily (Marcus is an ex-boyfriend who had become a good friend at this point). Marcus had a major asthma attack and lost consciousness, so his mother called Jonathan. Since Jonathan is a firefighter/paramedic, he knew what to do in that situation and helped us get Marcus breathing on his own. After that, we all started talking and invited him to come with us to celebrate Emily's birthday. We sat by each other during the movie and across from each other during the birthday dinner. He thought Eviana was adorable and played and talked to her during dinner. I found myself becoming shy. I remember thinking, "Why am I feeling shy? I don't like him! I don't even know him! Do I like him?!" He was so sweet and a complete gentleman, and I thought he was very cute.

Marcus's mom, Jill, decided to try and hook us up. It turns out Jonathan actually felt a little connection, too, so he called me and asked me on a date. It was the night before my 22nd birthday, September 16, 2008. He took me to a movie we both thought was ridiculous, Tropic Thunder, and then we had some coffee and conversation at Starbucks. I found myself feeling absolutely comfortable with this person I hardly knew. I opened up to him and he to me and everything was effortless. Around midnight we parted ways and went home. The next week we found out more about the other and I started to realize that I really liked him. A week after our first date, he asked me to be his girlfriend and we shared our first kiss. The longer I dated Jonathan, the more qualities I found in him that I wanted in a husband. He had his faults, as I did, but he stood for more than most of the previous men I had dated. He was a devout Christian with strong beliefs. He also loved my daughter as much as he loved me, and Eviana took to him very easily and loved him as well. Eviana always seemed to have that spirit of knowing when someone was good and she thought her "Jonanen" was wonderful.



The Engagement Ring



Jonathan and I started talking about marriage and the possibility of it. He had been searching for his wife for a long time and, secretly, I hoped that I was her. Even though we talked of a life together, I wasn't sure Jonathan was going to ask me. Every time I thought he was going to, he didn't, and my mom and I were beginning to wonder if he was. He always told me that he wanted to propose when I least expected it. Before Valentine's Day, Jonathan went into Dallas with a friend of his and I found out he was doing a lot of shopping. So, I verbalized that I thought he might ask me on Valentine's Day since he was "shopping" all over the place. Well, apparently that was what he was doing, but he found out my suspicions and devised a way to get me off his trail. He called me right before he was going to head home and told me he had everything planned for Mother's Day and he was excited about it. This was a good move on his part, because, of course, I thought he would ask me on Mother's Day instead. I was off his trail and he continued with his plan.



It's Official!

When Valentine's Day rolled around we headed into Flower Mound and had an evening planned with two other couples. We went shopping for a dress for myself earlier in the day and then got ready for the evening. His dad took pictures of us on our first Valentine's Day and then we headed out to dinner. We went to a fine dining restaurant, Good Hugh's Fire Pit Grill, which is sadly now closed. The food was expensive and magnificent. We opened and tasted 7-8 bottles of wine between all the couples and you don't even want to know what the tab was! Lindsey, now my sister-in-law, asked me to come to the bathroom with her when we were finished eating our main course. While we were in the bathroom, Jonathan was telling everyone at the table the plan for his proposal. I just want all of you to know I was completely oblivious. I had no clue what was going to happen that night. We came back out to the table and Lindsey said she wanted to take a picture (she was really recording the event that was about to take place). We all scooched in close and Jonathan was sitting strangely, so I looked over at him and he was down on one knee. He said, "Trisha Mathes, I love you. I always have and always will. There's no doubt in my mind that you are the woman I am suppose to be with for the rest of my life. Will you marry me?"



Jonathan giving Eviana a ring to symbolize
becoming her Daddy



To which I responded, "REALLY?! HERE?! NOW?!......YES!!!" I told you I was in shock. I had no clue he was going to ask me, but he did and I was completely happy. I cried and couldn't believe that I was going to marry this wonderful man and be with him forever. When we came home a few days later, it seemed God had already told Eviana Jonathan would be her dad. When we walked in the door, she ran to me and gave me a hug and then ran to Jonathan and called him daddy for the first time. It brought a tear to my eye and I knew I was with the man God intended for me.



Jonathan and I got married on November 13, 2009 in Fort Worth, TX at the Marty Leonard Community Chapel. I became Jonathan's wife and Eviana became his daughter. We honeymooned in Colorado for a week and it was amazing! Jonathan and I have had trials and tribulations, but through it all we stand strong together and I couldn't ask for a better partner in life. He is a wonderful husband and father and I don't know how I ever lived without him. Jonathan and I wanted to have a baby soon after we got married. About a month or so after our wedding, I found out I was pregnant. I can't tell you how excited we all were, including Eviana. What a blessing it would be to show our love through a child.

Our New Family

Eviana's Birth Story-Part II

Before I start Part II of this birth story, I need to explain that I found truth long after deception. When I was pregnant with Ireland, my medical records were give to my midwife. In it were notes written by Dr. Dunham and Opal during my pregnancy and delivery with Eviana. I'm going to include these "truths" in my story.

First, I have notes from the day I left off with last. Remember how I said I had headaches, abdominal pains, and complained about my swelling for MONTHS?! Well, read this and tell me what you think. "Trisha is a 20-year-old white female with an estimated due date of 2/8/2007, admitted to labor and delivery for elective induction of labor with increasing blood pressure in the office and an elevated uric acid of 7.0. In addition, she had 2-3+ pitting edema of the lower extremeties. She had no abdominal complaints, no headache, or visual change. Her cervix was 2-3cm dilated on admission. Discussion was carried out with the patient in the office, with regards to the fact that presentation such as this did not bode well for vaginal delivery, but she did wish to attempt a vaginal birth. The patient had been managed through her prenatal care and up until the elevation of her blood pressure, her only problem had been difficulty with labial varicosities."

That "discussion" NEVER happened. They had already planned on me having a C-Section ahead of time. And then, they go on to say I had no problems until that day?! I had been complaining for months!!! This really got me going when I read it, but lets continue with the story shall we? It gets better.
Mom and I arrived at the hospital and I was escorted to my room. They weighed me in at 236 lbs. I got changed into a sexy little number they call a hospital gown, was placed on monitors, given an I.V., and a pitocin drip was started. I wasn't allowed to eat, drink, or walk. Soon after I was given the pitocin, I started having contractions and then they decided to break my bag of water. I was handling labor really well and watching Pride & Prejudice with my mom and grandmother.

My nurse asked if I wanted an epidural, but I was doing fine and I said no. So, it was to my surprise when the anesthesiologist walked in ready to administer his gift. I asked him why he was there and that I didn't want an epidural. He told me I was on his list to be given the epidural. I had a few contractions while he was there, which didn't effect my talking at all, so I said, "Does it look like I need an epidural?"  He left to get the doctor and brought him back. Dr. Dunham said that he thought that I should get the epi. because it would help relax me and I would dilate faster (Epidurals may be relaxing, but they actually can stall labor). I told the doc I really didn't want one, but he guilted me into getting it (I was only 20 and hadn't done alot of research at that time, so it was hard for me to argue with him).

By this time, I had dilated to a 6 with no challenges. The epidural was administered and we waited.  I was uncomfortable because I had been sitting all day. My swelling started getting worse after the epi. and I had, what I call, flat butt syndrome. After a while, my cervix was checked again and I was told there was no progress. Now, in the doctors release notes, he stated I did not dilate further than a 6 and 50%; but in his personal notes the third time he checked me he stated that I had progressed to 6 1/2-7cm. I was never told this. He told me that because of my swelling and no progression that a C-Section was necessary. I fought this because I really wanted a vaginal delivery. Had I known I had progressed to a 7 I wouldn't have caved under the pressure. But the pressure was pretty heavy. He told me it would be an emergency C-Section and it was life or death for me and the baby. Therefore, naturally, I agreed to the procedure. It seemed strange though, for such an emergency, they weren't in a real hurry. It was about an hour and half before I was taken to the O.R. I found out later in his notes that Dr. Dunham wrote, "Non-emergency cesarean section performed. Procedure elected by patient." (I broke down crying when I read this.)

They rolled me back to the O.R. and I had been shaking almost convulsively for about 45 minutes before and during the c-section. I was upset later to find out that this was a good sign of transition (the last phase of active labor before pushing). This meant that before they even performed the operation, I was dilated to a possible 8-10 cm and could have delivered naturally. My mom was allowed to be with me in the operating room. When they started operating, I couldn't feel pain, but the pressure was intense. Only enough to make me crindge, but it was a strange feeling. After about 10 minutes, they had her out and she cried. That was the best sound I have ever heard. My mom and I both started crying and she ran over to take pictures. I couldn't believe it! The realization that there was something really living inside of me was surreal.

Eviana Reigh Mathes was born on January 30, 2007 at 6:44pm. She weighed 8lbs. 6 1/2oz. and was 20 in. long. She had brown hair and bright blue eyes. She was perfect and beautiful. I loved her instantly and haven't stopped since. I didn't get to see her for about 3 hrs after she was born. When I did I couldn't put her down and, as you can see in the picture, I fell asleep with her. My only problem was how much pain I was in. I was also dehydrated and probably consumed about 5-6 gallons of water the first night at the hospital. The morphine didn't work and the pain was excruciating. I even made my grandmother cry I was in so much pain. Every time I tried to get up or go to the bathroom I felt like I was voluntarily ripping open my stomach. I was finally released 3 days later after the doctor informed me I would have to have a c-section for any other pregnancies. I was exhausted as you can see from the next picture. I bled for almost 5 months. It was ridiculous! I breastfed Eviana for the first 6 weeks of her life, though I returned to work after 4 weeks. It was hard going back to work and leaving Eviana with my mom. I ended up working two jobs eventually to support us. I moved out of my parent's house and into an apartment when Eviana was almost a year old. I did it on my own with the help and support of my amazing family.

So the point of this story is that not everything is as it seems. The end result was the same, but the road to get there was far from ideal. I felt I was cheated out of what was suppose to be a beautiful event. Instead, it was a memory I wanted to forget. Eviana's birth experiance was stollen from me. I would advise every expectant mother and young woman to educate themselves in every way they can on pregnancy and birth. If I had known then what I know today, my experience would have been much different. Don't be afraid to take control of your pregnancy and birth! After all, it IS rightfully yours!

 

 

Eviana's Birth Story- Part I

Symptoms of Preeclampsia
By Mayo Clinic staff
Preeclampsia can develop gradually, but often attacks suddenly, after 20 weeks of pregnancy. Preeclampsia may range from mild to severe. If your blood pressure was normal before your pregnancy, signs and symptoms of preeclampsia may include:
--High blood pressure (hypertension) — 140/90+
--Excess protein in your urine (proteinuria/albuminuria)
--Severe headaches
--Changes in vision, including temporary loss of vision, blurred vision or light sensitivity
--Upper abdominal pain, usually under your ribs on the right side

--Nausea or vomiting

--Dizziness

--Decreased urine output
--Sudden weight gain, typically more than 2 pounds a week
--Swelling (edema), particularly in your face and hands, often accompanies preeclampsia. Swelling isn't considered a reliable sign of preeclampsia, however, because it also occurs in many normal pregnancies.
When To See a Doctor
 Contact your doctor immediately or go to an emergency room if you have severe headaches, blurred vision or severe pain in your abdomen. Because headaches, nausea, and aches and pains are common pregnancy complaints, it's difficult to know when new symptoms are simply part of being pregnant and when they may indicate a serious problem — especially if it's your first pregnancy. If you're concerned about your symptoms, contact your doctor. (I wanted to educate anyone who didn't know about preeclampsia before I started my story.)
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When my pregnancy was confirmed, I wasn't able to see a doctor until I was 3mo. along. I applied for medicaid and they accepted me. Ever since I was a senior in high school, I wanted to be a midwife. So naturally, I would want to be cared for by one. I preferred a birthing center, but medicaid did not pay for these facilities. Medicaid only accepts midwife providers who work under hospital "rules". I started my care with a midwife at La Esperanza Clinic. She was really nice and I liked her a lot. Later in my pregnancy, I had to move my care to Shannon Hospital with another midwife, Opal Smith. I wasn't happy about the care I was forced to accept with medicaid, but I had no other choice.



5-6 Months Pregnant



The first 6-7 months of my pregnancy I did great, only gaining 5-15 lbs. I walked/worked out every day on my lunch break and ate mostly healthy meals. Around my 7 mo. of gestation, I starting having some unusual things happen. I had pregnancy induced gout (a form of arthritis). My knuckles hurt all the time and it was hard to hold onto things. I also started having severe abdominal and groin pain. I would double over in pain crying AT WORK. It was embarrassing. When I discussed these issues with the nurses and midwife, they seemed to shrug it off. It never seemed to be taken seriously and was never explained.



Soon after these symptoms arrived, I noticed other unusual signs of problems. I started rapidly gaining weight, even though there was no change in activity or diet. I started my pregnancy at 150 lbs., which at 5'8" is pretty fit. I swam, ran, and walked, so when I started seeing 180, 190, 200 lbs on the scale I was horrified. I also started swelling, and not "normal" pregnancy swelling. My mom would say she could hear me sloshing when I walked. I couldn't wear shoes at work and my fingers were fat sausages. I rarely had headaches, but now it seemed they were frequent and accompanied by slight dizziness.



5 Weeks Before I Gave Birth



I started getting worried because these symptoms sounded familiar. I went to the nurses at La Esperanza several times a week and informed my midwife at every visit that I was worried. They would test my urine and it always had protein in it. They made me feel like my concerns were nothing and just told me to eat more protein. This was irritating. I knew something was wrong. Just because I was young and on medicaid didn't mean I was a clueless idiot. I knew something was wrong with my body and everyone else seemed to think so too, EXCEPT for my care takers.



I finally got desperate for help and asked my mom to accompany me to my 38 week doctor visit. I thought surely they will listen to a woman who has had three children and is more "mature" than I am. When we arrived, I voiced my concerns to Opal and even suggested I might have Preeclampsia (also known as Toxemia). When Opal again told me I was fine without even looking at me, my mother informed her otherwise. She told Opal to check me out immediately and we weren't leaving until she did. Reluctantly, Opal did a pitting test. She squeezed my calf and timed how long it would take for her hand print to go away. A minute later, there was no change. Her eyes got a little bigger and SHE decided we should run some tests (YA THINK?!?!).



My urine test showed high levels of protein and my blood tests showed high levels of uric acid. They also found from my blood tests that my hemoglobin levels were rising, which if anything, are suppose to get lower during pregnancy. On the 24th of January my hemoglobin levels were 12.3 and on the 30th they were 16.5! I naturally have a pretty low blood pressure. At the beginning of my pregnancy my BP was anywhere from 90/52 to 120/58. My charts had shown an increase in blood pressure, but no one took notice. My last taken blood pressures was 134/74 to 142/74. I had also gained over 30 lbs. in the last 5 weeks. How is it possible that a 20 year old without a doctorate obviously saw the signs and diagnosed herself, but the "professionals" had no clue. They actually acted surprised!!!.



Two Weeks Before My Induction
(Can YOU see the difference?)



Opal brought in Dr. Dunham. He looked at my charts, looked at me, and then gave the stink eye to Opal. He checked my cervix and I was dilated to a two. He informed me that my case was severe and that I would need to arrive at the hospital the next morning for an induction. My mom and I were in shock. We took all of my instructions home and prepared for the next day.



This day would be bitter sweet. It was the day Eviana graced me with her presence and God granted me with the responsibility of His child. This day came with a price, though. A heartache that constantly reminds me not to freely trust someone just because they have a few letters behind their name that give them the title "doctor".
To learn more about Preeclampsia, amazon.com has some books you can read.

Preeclampsia Medical Guide

Hello World, It's Just Me

I'm Trisha. I'm a 29 year old woman with way too many life experiences. I am a woman of faith. I am a Christian and I will talk a lot about God, so be prepared! I am married to a very sweet, hard-working man, Jonathan. He is a paramedic and love how much he desires to help others. We just jumped into homesteading and owning a ranch in June 2014. It has been a bumpy ride and there are more adventures to come, I'm sure of it!  As for the rest of our family, we have three beautiful children. Eviana-8, Ireland-5, and Declan-2. I've held a variety of jobs and titles, but my job title now is "Wife and Mommy" mostly and rancher! I'm a wife and mom just trying to figure out where life is suppose to go from here.